The PAIRS program developed by Lori Gordon, PhD,
offers a variety of workshops - 4 hr, 8hr, 4 day, two week
and the full semester program. This full semester program is
often referred to as the The Rolls Royce version.
"If you really want to make sure your marriage works, take the full semester course"
is what those who have attended the semester course will tell you.

I am including the answers to frequently asked questions written by
PAIRS master teachers Linda Carroll-Barraud to those asking about
taking the full semester PAIRS course.  This will help answer the many questions and
concerns that couples have about taking any of the
programs - of any length.  - diane sollee

****************
Thank you for your interest in the PAIRS semester course.
 I am enclosing  information which may help you decide if  you wish to enroll.

ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED ABOUT
THE PAIRS SEMESTER COURSE:

Time
Pairs requires a commitment which is similar to a college semester. We meet
one evening a week for 16 weeks from 6:30-9:30 and one weekend a month for 4
months. Civic groups, sports and church meetings are a  few examples of
activities which many of us have committed similar amounts of time to. Many
people invest hours and years taking courses and seminars to enhance their
professional life,only to have productivity decrease because of stress at
home. When the course ends most of our students have become so
accustomed and PLEASED to have taken this time for their relationship that
the groups continue to meet together once a month and several couples commit
to Thursday nights "just for them" to maintain the goodwill and pleasure that
they have found through the PAIRS class.

Cost
 I believe as a marriage and family therapist that PAIRS is the most cost
effective solution to relationship repair, maintenance and enhancement.The
course breaks down to less than $10 per hour. This class is NOT a
substitute for marital counseling as the focus  is different. We are
providing educational training  to help in maintaining satisfying
healthy  relationships. Couples  who are also in therapy have found that the PAIRS course helps
them move more quickly through the therapy process (and with
 considerable less expense).

 I often see couples who tell me they want to stay together but they are
tired of the pain, isolation and discouragement they are experiencing in their
relationships.  Common advice  includes  taking expensive trips and
vacations "to get away and start over" (only to return to the same problems)
and expensive gifts to make up for arguments and to show positive intent.
Other common ways to deal with problems include excessive and expensive time spent
on hobbies, sports, work etc which results in a LACK of quality time together
and a deepening of the difficulties.

There is also alot of excellent advice about  "learning
to listen,saying what you feel, improving  communication skills, letting go of old
grudges, etc"  but the problem is that nobody shows you HOW do do those
things, and HOW to do it in a way that enriches your relationship .

One man is out last class said on his evaluation "I was always being told
to share my feelings , until I took this class I didn't even  know how to
recognize that I had feelings."    "Another woman wrote "I realize that it's not
enough for me to share my feelings and thoughts.  I need to do this in such a
way that allows my partner to hear me without feeling hurt or defensive ."
Current  research shows PAIRS has proven to be very effective. The goodwill
and  increased skills you will  learn and enjoy together will last a life
time and will benefit ALL your relationships.

 We have many payment plans available and will work with anyone who wants to
take the class to find a  plan which is suitable for your own needs. We
often remind people that the added expense of maintaining two households or
years of therapy  far exceed the cost of the class.We also  accept VISA and
Mastercard.

Goals
The aim of PAIRS is to provide professionally-guided  skills training in
maintaining relationships.We attract a variety of couples. For some its an
opportunity to enrich a already satisfying relationship.For others its
preventative and for others its a "last attempt "to repair a damaged
relationship.The majority of people have found this class to renew and recreate
their relationship in the way both people wish it to be. For the few that choose
to separate  they are able to do it with an openness and goodwill towards one
another that would have previously been impossible.
 

Why a full semester?!
A PAIRS weekend workshop may give you an awareness of what needs to be improved and
a chance to experience a reminder of the dreams and possibilities that
brought you together.This 100  hours plus  format not only enhances this
awareness but  gives participants the time to learn, practice and
integrate the  skills you are learning. We do not deal with the content
(specific "problems") as much as we teach you the skills necessary to sustain
long-term change and the skills to "clear the air and become current with one
another. We also offer continuing "post pairs" weekends and encourage class
members  to continue meeting on their own and working together.
 

Pairs and individual therapy
I often hear people say " I have to work on myself first before I can work on
the relationship." This may sound good in theory;  in practice what is common
is for the client to bond and form an alliance with the therapist which may
well result in the individual feeling better but the relationship getting
worse. In PAIRS we work with BOTH PEOPLE  and teach you how to support one
another AND the relationship in new areas of growth. When the stress of
faltering relationships is lifted people usually find that their own therapy
process move much more quickly and efficiently to resolution in a way that
also cares for the relationship.

"I don't like groups"
I would guess that about 80% of people come to PAIRS with a very strong
dislike of "groups." They quickly find that this is a class or classroom  experience
-- not a "group" as in group therapy or encounter groups.  We do not ask people
to share with others anything they don't want to share. The emphasis is on skill
development and couples work with one another so their privacy in maintained.
Our primary concern is to make the class as safe and supportive as possible; we
don't confront people, ask them to reveal personal details of their lives or require
them to participate in embarrassing kinds of exercises.

"I want to do it but my partner is very reluctant"
We suggest two options for a couple when one is reluctant to attend. We begin
with inviting you to come to the first day of class. If it doesn't seem
right for you we ask for payment for the day and there is no further
obligation. If one of you is still not certain you wish to take the whole
course we suggest you sign up for the first half of the semester only and then decide as we
move further along the class whether or not you will continue.

The second suggestion is that you call various people who have taken the
class and speak with them about their experiences and your concerns. We have
a long list of people who have indicated they would be happy to talk to
anyone about their experience with PAIRS.

The Pairs PREVIEW is an excellent time to try out the course.We
talk about the content, show a film and have members of past classes
talk about their experiences and answer any questions.We also demonstrate
some of the PAIRS tools. You will receive a notice of the next preview.

"Why can't we do it at home by ourselves?"
Pairs combines the best information that is known by marriage and family
therapists and translates it into a package of exercises that help couples
learn the material.  The input of other class members provides additional learning
experieces. The class structure  helps people stay on task and develop the habit
of taking regular time together. People have good intentions - but just as with
anything else - it's hard to stick to the program with out the class structure and
support.

Tim and Linda Carroll-Barraud
Master Pairs Teachers
1242 N.W. Hillcrest Drive
Corvallis,Oregon 97330
541-7584118                        FAX 541-7583214
  lcbarr@aol.com
 

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