COLLABORATIVE MARRIAGE SKILLS:
Couples Communication
Instructor Training Institute
Sherod Miller, PhD & Phyllis Miller, PhD

This 2-day workshop equips you to teach the newly revised Couple
Communication I & II programs (plus CORE for singles) for creating
Collaborative Marriages. Learn to use THRIVE (the new Collaborative
Marriage profile), 6 talking and 5 listening skills, and engaging processes
with innovative skills mats including with low-income couples.
Gain marketing and practice-building strategies.

The program helps couples and singles build Collaborative Marriages as they
learn to communicate positively, make satisfying decisions, resolve conflicts, and manage
differences and anger effectively. The institute includes presentations, live and video
demonstrations, practice coaching on real issues using innovative and engaging skills mats to
accelerate and reinforce learning, assessments, and exercises for active
learning. The content is integrated with relevant theory and research.

The Couple Communication and CORE programs have a long history.
Over 600,000 couples have participated since the creation of the programs at the
University of Minnesota Family Study Center. The programs have been taught
successfully to people in all socio-economic levels and in various ethnic groups.
(See "Report on Working With Low-Income Couples" below.)

Program Content:
7 Elements of a Collaborative Marriage relationship
Introduction to THRIVE – the new Collaborative Marriage Assessment
Communication: Attitudes, Behavior, Issues
The Awareness Wheel and 6 Talking Skills - the
structure of any issue or situation
The Listening Cycle and 5 Listening Skills - options
for creating understanding
Mapping Issues - an eight-step process for resolving
conflicts effectively
Four Styles of Communication - choosing to connect vs.
control
Gaining Learning Commitment and Attending to Various Learning Styles
Coaching the Skills using Skills Mats
The Relationship Map - understanding and strengthening a relationship
Collaborative Communication - creating a common operating system for
ensuring satisfying outcomes
Managing My Anger - changing unhealthy into healthy expressions
Responding to Anger - choosing to escalate or de-escalate
Phases of Relationship - aligning values, wants, actions
Teaching Designs for Your Setting
Marketing Ideas and Ingredients for Successful Implementation

Program Formats:
Couple Communication (creating Collaborative Marriages) may be taught
as a healthy marriage education seminar in groups of up to 12 couples or
included in a couple's counseling/therapy setting working with one couple privately.
The programs can be taught in once-a-week segments or at a weekend retreat
with weekly or monthly follow-up sessions.
Core Communication is used for relationship development classes.

Training Objectives:
Participants will:
1. Sharpen ability to teach couples and individuals how to talk, listen,
resolve conflicts, and manage anger effectively (goal)
2. Identify the competencies for successful instruction of program
maps, related skills and processes
3. Practice skill/process coaching using skills mats with real and
simulated issues
4. Integrate programs with contemporary theory and research
5. Assess a couple's readiness for programs and establish their
commitment to learning together
6. Identify ways to support the transfer and extended use of the
skills and processes in day-to-day living
7. Explore guidelines for special circumstances including work with
highly conflicted couples
8. Identify instructional designs for your setting - clinic,
education, or congregation/community

What you will receive:
- 1 CCI Couple Packet (regularly $39.00) Includes: 2 Collaborative
Marriage Skills Workbooks (151 pp. ea.), 1 Awareness Wheel Skills
Floor Mat, 1 Listening Cycle Skills Floor Mat, 2 Pocket Card Sets
- 1 CCII Couple Packet (regularly $37.00) Includes: 2 Thriving
Together Workbooks (182 pp. ea.), 2 AW Pads, 2 Skills Lap Mats
- 1 Core Communication Skills and Processes Workbook (160 pp., regularly
$22.00)
- 1 Couple Communication I Instructor Manual (276 pp., regularly $60.00)

Instructor transparencies, Digital Interactive CDs, demonstration video
tapes, Agenda for Couple Communication II, and couple brochures may be
purchased for an additional fee directly from
Interpersonal Communication Programs (1-800-328-5099).

- Certified instructors who wish to be and who remain active, are listed
on the ICP National Referral directory on our web site at no charge.

Institute Leaders:
Phyllis Miller, Ph.D. and Sherod Miller, Ph. D.
The Millers are co-developers of Collaborative Marriage Skills,
Couple Communication I & II and Core Communication. As principals of
Interpersonal Communication Programs, Inc. they combine their backgrounds
in education and training, marriage and family enrichment, and therapy to
produce interpersonal communication and conflict resolution
programs for couples, work groups, and individuals. Married over 40 years,
the Millers have two grown children and live in Colorado. They bring a
wealth of practical experience, as well as an engaging and pleasant
teaching style.

Instructor Certification:
This workshop is a step toward instructor certification. Other steps
include studying the Instructor Manual and Workbook, teaching 20 couples
(using Couple Packet materials), being evaluated by self and couples,
passing a written exam, and signing a set of ethical expectations. ICP
supports instructors in completing certification and teaching the program.

Certified instructors who wish to be, are included on the ICP National Referral
List on the web page:
www.couplecommunication.com

A similar process exists for Core Communication. Certified Core
Communication instructors who wish to be, are included on the Core
Communication National Referral List on the web page: www.comskills.com


REPORT ON WORKING WITH LOW-INCOME COUPLES

Dear Diane:
Two Federally funded grants were awarded to agencies in Texas for increasing
their capacity to teach couples (including low-income couples) effective
communication skills.

After attending the COUPLE COMMUNICATION Instructor training sponsored by
one of the agencies, Orlando and Jo Ann Reyes, ministers at the Church Without
Walls in “the Hood” (a low income neighborhood in Ft. Worth), taught
their first group. The eight Hispanic couples used CC materials
translated into Spanish. (A second group is already enrolled.) Jo Ann
says, “People can understand it — the mats make it concrete, specific,
and in depth. It has been hard to get the couples to go home at the end
of the evenings because they are so involved and excited.”

The agencies chose the COUPLE COMMUNICATION program in part because of its
unique methodology — the use of the Skills Mats. (Skills Mats are 30X30 inch
canvas squares placed on the floor. Each of the mats has a "map" printed on
it that includes: The Awareness Wheel which represents the structure of an
issue and provides foundation for the 6 talking skills, and the Listening
Cycle which organizes 5 listening skills for creating understanding.
Participants step around on different skill zones on the mats as they
actively learn new ways to talk and listen to each other, make decisions,
and resolve conflicts about important matters.)

Jo Ann gives several reasons why she thinks the skill mats work so well as
teaching tools with these couples:
• Many Hispanic women find it hard to speak up and talk to their
husbands about things of importance to them.
• On the talking mat, they can be relaxed and not panic or be
overwhelmed.
• The tool helps them organize what they want to say and not be
scattered. They can stay on track and not go off on rabbit trails.
• Partners can talk in a rational and respectful way about emotional
things. One woman commented, “All of a sudden, my story’s respected!”
• The Listening Cycle lets you be free to talk. It prevents
“butting-in” and interrupting. Your partner hears you out.
• Both partners can tell their story (for example, how they handle
money) and be heard.

As they physically step around the Awareness Wheel, they can freely talk
about each piece (data, thoughts, feelings, wants, actions) to cover
the issue. One woman said, “Speaking for self on the mat helps me say
how things affect me without blaming.”

Jo Ann says, “When someone slips into blaming while standing on the
mat, we simply have them step off of the mat. The person has moved out
of The Skills Zone. The mats also represent a “safe zone” where we can
respectfully talk and listen to each other. Disrespectful communication
takes you out of The Skills Zone. Leaving the mats creates active,
physical learning so the person can experience the difference between
skilled and unskilled communication. You don’t have to be Einstein to
get it.”

The Skills Mats are particularly useful for coaching. Couples have fun
observing and coaching each other in the use of skills. The mats
provide focus for coaching from the instructor, as well.

Tina Jenkins, a social worker and the Family Life Education Manager at
The Parenting Center in Fort Worth, has worked directly with low income
families for over 20 years. She first attended COUPLE COMMUNICATION
Instructor Training at the Smart Marriages Conference in 2004. Tina
says, “I love the mats! Here’s why”:

• The tools are not intimidating. The interaction on the mats engages
partners.
• It’s good to have the workbook for participants to read, but the
mats particularly involve individuals at all socio-economic and
academic levels.
• The mats are particularly useful with learning disabled and other
slow learners.
• Actively stepping around the Awareness Wheel engages folks with
attention deficit disorder and other challenges to speak at their own
pace. They provide focus and organization for people who are “all over
the place.”
• The mats are culturally and diversity neutral. Everyone has unique
experiences to share. The mats give permission to communicate feelings
and wants assertively instead of being shy and not speaking up.
• The listening mat shows how to listen for understanding, especially
when an important point has not been heard.

According to Tina, the skills mats are integrative. The problems of
many low income individuals and couples are multifaceted and some of
the interconnections are overlooked. Working on the mats, participants
begin to figure out (interconnect) the roots of a situation, the
underlying currents and reoccurring themes that get and keep them
stuck. For example, “Unskilled communication -- symbolically ‘off of
the mats’ -- loses jobs and then the basic survival thing impacts their
relationship.”

Tina also says, “The mats force common courtesy and respect. The only
thing some people have heard while they were growing up is name-calling
and arguing. They don’t know there is an effective alternative.
(Watching Jerry Springer doesn’t help!) And the skills mats impact how
they communicate with their children.”

The main thing is people are learning with the immediate and specific
constructive feedback. “Mat time” provides practical learning for use
in situations when the mats aren't around.

Sheila Boone, Director of Married for Life Program at 1st Choice
Pregnancy Resource Center, Texarkana, TX and her husband John, who
volunteers at the Center, teach COUPLE COMMUNICATION together. They have
finished teaching two groups with staff and community volunteers. Now they
have begun their first low-income classes with a mix of African-American,
Caucasian, and Hispanic couples.

“Our groups are going great.” Sheila says, “Men like the mats. I have
never seen them open up like this before. With another guy observing
and coaching the skills, they learn fast. No one is judging.”

The program can be taught to one couple at a time or in group. Sheila
has already begun conducting home visits where she teaches COUPLE
COMMUNICATION to a couple privately. When kids see their parents on the
mats, they want to take their turn and talk too. The mats impact the
whole family.

Additional Information
For additional background information on Couple Communication as well as
Instructor training and materials, visit www.couplecommunication.com

Conference Details: download a conference brochure, Register ONLINE, hotel & travel information & discounts, etc.

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