CompassionPower Boot Camp and Love Without Hurt

Steven Stosny, PhD

Dr Stosny and his Compassion Power Workshops were featured on the Oprah Show
in a 3-part series on emotional abuse (Oct and Nov, 2004).
On the day he demonstrated teaching compassion to an abusive
husband, Dr Stosny received 48,000 hits on his website and more than a
thousand requests from couples wanting to take the workshop.
If you take this training institute and plan to offer workshops, please get yourself
listed on the CompassionPower website to receive referrals. Stosny can't cover the demand alone.
O Magazine this month says, "CompassionPower is one of the most successful programs for
abusers in the country." Oprah said on the Nov 3, 2004 show,
"You all want to sign up for this" and went on to explain that she'd received more emails on
this show and topic than any other. Clearly, there is a growing demand and
growing need for Compassion Workshops across the country. - diane, e-listserv

Dr. Stosny is offering his celebrated Boot Camp training exclusively for
Smart Marriages attendees. Participants will learn invaluable skills in
emotional regulation and dealing with chronic resentment, anger, or
emotional abuse. You are free to use the any of the materials and skills you
learn merely by attending the training. You will also have the opportunity
to become a CompassionPower associate and to use Dr. Stosny’s name, trademarks,
and website for marketing, for a small annual fee. This fee is usually $250, but for Smart Marriages
institute graduates, the fee is only $100 a year.

For examples of what you'll learn in this institute, read Dr Stosny's Blog posts

The CompassionPower Boot Camp consists of 3 sessions of 8 hours each. Love
without Hurt consists of 4 intensive, two-hour sessions, with 22 pages of
homework assignments.

If you do any kind of family education or intervention, you will certainly
encounter hidden emotional abuse and violence against spouses
and children. In some couples you'll notice harshness and hostility,
but in many you will not - abusers can be charming and affable in public.
Most abuse occurs in private when a loved one, purposely or inadvertently
triggers the abuser's sense of failure or inadequacy - as parent, spouse,
lover, or provider. This causes a sudden drop in self-value, which makes
them feel powerless and unable to see anyone else's perspective.
Aggressive impulses occur automatically when people feel powerless,
but unlike most of us, abusers act out the aggression. The power-and-control
tactics for which they are known are merely attempts to keep family
members from doing something that might make them face their failure
or inadequacy as parents, spouses, lovers, or providers. That's why
research shows that efforts to change behavior without empowering
abusers fail.

Both the Compassion Power Boot Camp and the Self Regulation:
Love Without Hurt
add-on program feature Stosny's empowering concept of innate
Core Value, the unique human drive to create value and maintain an inner
store of intimate, aesthetic, spiritual, moral, compassionate, and protective
experiences. The centerpiece of the program is HEALS, which is used to
treat resentment, anger, and violence. HEALS automatically raises self value
during the sudden drops that lead to abuse, by conditioning Core Value to
occur with the first signs of resentment, anger, or anxiety. The experience of
Core Value makes it possible to see other perspectives and be compassionate
to loved ones.

Graduates of the Institute can:
Use any of the skills of the CompassionPower Boot Camp and the Love without Hurt workshop in your work with couples.

In addition, as a graduate of the Smart Marriages Boot Camp Institute training, you
have the opportunity to become a CompassionPower associate
and use Dr. Stosny’s name and trademarks for marketing for a $100 annual fee.
No additional training required. 

Participants will receive:
The Treatment Manual of the Core Value Workshop, a CD-ROM teaching HEALS,
and the Boot Camp CD-ROM, which features PowerPoint slides with most of the
material of the Boot Camp material narrated by Dr. Stosny, plus two audio CDs for review.

Who should attend:
Anyone can teach the program
- you do not need to be a mental health professional.
Teaching experience is a plus. Even if you are not interested in teaching the programs,
you are invited to attend for insight into your own relationship or to use the tools and
concepts in your work with couple

What we'll cover:
- Why love relationships are so susceptible to resentment, anger,controlling behavior,
and emotional abuse

- Why we hurt the ones we love

-What resentment, anger, and emotional abuse are really about

- Why marriage counseling, individual psychotherapy, anger-management,
and abuser treatment groups make things worse

- How to recover the lost self. If you have walked on eggshells,
you've lost touch with your true sense of self.

- How to help emotional abusers discover their core values and use
them as levers to produce change

- How to draw out the vulnerabilities of resentful, angry, and abusive
people sympathetically and how to use them for positive change.

Outcome Studies: In Prince George's County, Maryland, graduates of
the CompassionPower core value workshops (N=298) were 86%
violence free and 71% verbal aggression free, after one year, based on the
reports of victims. Violence is defined as a push, grab, or shove as measured
by the Conflict Tactics Scale. (Of the recidivists, 8% committed serious
violence, defined as at least one instance of beating up, choking, or
threatening with a weapon). 75% of court-ordered attendees complete the course.

Click for two articles comparing Stosny's Compassion
Core Value approach to other Domestic Violence treatment programs.

I attended the Stosny Boot Camp/Compassion Training Institute in Denver in 2007 and
want to share my impressions: It was a well paced presentation with no AV other
than the printed curriculum handout. This allowed Dr Stosny to play to his strengths: humor, stories,
personality, vast store of knowledge. This made the institute more like a
conversation between friends than a lecture. As this was a group of
professionals, we had a lot of questions which he handled very well. He
still was able to cover all the material thoroughly in the time allotted.
His aside comments were extremely valuable and rich. There was lots and
lots of added value. I wrote down a number of very precise, clear and
wonderfully worded explanations and definitions.

The practicing of the HEALS conditioning program was very well done. A
number of people had significant experiences of working through the exercise
about real issues in their lives. As well Steven expertly modeled how to
use the technique.

This was a hybrid institute where Steven had to teach how to do the boot
camp as well as have us significantly experience it -- not an easy
assignment. He succeeded on both counts.

His Institute was the main reason I came to Smart Marriages. I had very
high expectations, having used some of his materials before. My
expectations were more than fulfilled. The content was super valuable and
spending two days mining Steven's knowledge was a joy. The institute
setting allows Steven to shine.
- Brenton Mock

I want to recommend that other pastors take the Compassion Workshops training. Stosny
is an absolute genius and I am not sure that he is fully aware of the power
of HEALS when used as a tool in the complex progress of forgiveness/compassion.
I have found about 25-30% of the members of my
church have no sell-regulation or
anxiety/anger management skills and this wrecks havoc on
- Rev Edward Santana Grace

. . . let me introduce the work (of Dr Steven Stosny) as the most effective strategy
for breaking down the various layers of resistance we find in our male
abusers. I recently sent two BAMC clinicians to a Compassion Workshop
training and they returned singing the praises of the model/approach.
They wasted no time in integrating the approach into the State mandated 36
hr (18 session) curriculum currently in place. They reported immediate
improvement in participation among attendees. I urge those who have
ongoing groups to ask your FAPM to purchase the material for use as an
enhancement for what you are currently offering.
Col. Rene Robichaux, head of family advocacy for the Army

“I find tremendous value in Dr. Stosny’s work, both in my work with couples and in
my own life and family. He backs up with research a glorious truth about our
humanity—that in our core we are hard-wired to be compassionate. And when the
‘thorns in our heart’ interfere with that hard-wiring, Dr. Stosny offers tools for getting
back to our core so we can choose to act in our best interest and in the best interest
of our loved ones.”—Jill Fein Baker, LCSW

“I’ve been a couple’s therapist for 30 years and have never before seen anything as
effective for problems of resentment, anger, and abuse as Stosny’s work.”—Edward Shea

“I found in this work one of the ‘missing pieces’ to my own personal puzzle. I did have a lot of
history hit me all at once, and was quite tearful for hours afterward. (Even now
I am still tearful as I recall my feelings.) I just wanted to thank you for your incredible
work.”—Debra Foote

“Everyone could benefit from Dr. Stosny’s methods...Especially couples who have tried
conventional marriage counseling and given up. His methods teach an entirely different
approach to anger management and understanding what is really going on beneath
the surface, an eye opening experience!”—Matt Vinkler

“I went to the seminar hoping my husband could change...I left realizing it I was who
had the power to change, it was I who needed to have compassion, not only for my
husband but mostly for myself. Thank you Dr. Stosny for showing me there is so much
life to live. Now even the smallest things I see mean so much, realizing that I have
been created to enjoy this and so much more. Because of you I am slowly realizing
the value in so so much....more importantly the value in myself”—Jovanna Dunham

“Dr. Stosny’s approach to changing the patterns of emotional and verbal abuse
works; regardless of the role you have in the relationship. I have hope for the first time
in many years. He gave me practical tools to apply to my relationship.”—Katie Simoneit


> Diane,
> I'm glad you posted the latest of many studies of the effects of parental
> conflict on children. Here's a hopeful note to go with it. When
> CompassionPower first started treating resentful, angry, and abusive clients
> 14 years ago, we found that their children almost universally presented with
> moderate to severe symptoms. At first we treated all the children, until the
> numbers got overwhelming. We had to set up a triage system, in which it took
> several weeks to get to the moderate level symptoms in children, things like
> anxiety, school problems, anger, and sleep disturbance. To our surprise and
> delight we found that when their parents were attending the workshops and boot
> camps and becoming better skilled as intimate partners, the symptoms in their
> children disappeared. Now at the beginning of our groups we treat only violent
> aggression in children but offer their parents a guarantee: If they do the
> hard work of self-regulation and become more compassionate to one another,
> their children will get better without therapy. Like all social animals,
> children learn by modeling -- watching adults. If they watch conflict, they
> learn how to devalue one another. If they watch compassionate negotiation,
> they learn how to care for one another even when they disagree.
> Steven Stosny, Feb 18, 2006


I've had a slew of questions about the Stosny Compassion Institute Training.  Guess he owes a debt to the French and their new legislation and it doesn't hurt to do a great interview on NPR.  I'll share the answer to this one with the list and weave in answers to a bunch of the inquiries.  Here's the link in case you missed the French news or missed Stosny on NPR: diane 1/15/2010

> Hello Diane,
> I have a question concerning Steven Stosny's offering Compassion Power
> Bootcamp and Love without Hurt.  The Pre-Conference description states that it
> is 3 day Boot Camp but it is only slotted for 2 days.  Is the Love without
> Hurt TOOB considered the 3rd day?  I am very interested in this course and
> obtaining certification for teaching, so I do not want to miss any part of it. 
> Thanks in advance.
> Alisa Clemons

Dear Alisa,
Great questions.  I thought I new the answers but called and confirmed with Steven Stosny to be sure I had it right. 

The Institute is two days at the conference because he's teaching it to professionals ("how to teach the camp or use the approach in your clinical work") so he doesn't have to go through each exercise completely as he does when he's teaching it to clients. In presenting it to clients, he also has to allow time for particular client issues that come up and must be dealt with and needs the full three days.  He said he was glad you were interested – that he needs help to deal with the demand from all over the world.  He even asked if you might be from Canada, noted that he's getting so many attendees from Canada.  He's teaching a 3-day Boot Camp this weekend in Maryland and, as always, it's way oversubscribed.  He tries to limit it to 50 participants but people call and beg tand say they can't wait until the next class to attend so he's again over 60.  He says he realizes he's got to start offering it more often than every two months.  He also offers individual "boot camps" - takes one couple or one individual through the entire program in a weekend.  Mention this as you might want to know how you can use the material.

So, to summarize: you WILL be trained to teach the 3-day camps after attending the 2-day training.  I, personally, advise you to also take any workshops Dr Stosny offers during the conference - Love Without Hurt; How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It; and Crazy About You: Scorched Earth Love (about jealousy which he says is a huge issue especially among young couples).  I also can assure you that this is one of the highest rated sessions at the conference, and that's saying something when you consider the competition. 

Audio/Video Stosny Package:
As preparation for the training institute, you might want to order the
Stosny Compassion Workshop Package which
features a video DVD of his 2004 keynote session
and four 90-minute workshop audio CDs. Familiarize yourself with the basics and many
applications of the model. Includes: Compassion Workshops, Love Without Hurt, Power Love,
Crazy About You: Scorched-Earth Love, and Compassionate Parenting. Only $69 + S/H
Order #75-STOS at 800-241-7785 or at

For information on CompassionPower:

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This institute is part of the week-long Smart Marriages conference.

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